this year i will be Resolute! (that means at least 1080p)

Recently an old friend asked me what were my New Year's Resolutions, to which I laughed at her hubris to think that perfection was in need of improvement, but then I thought, “do I not owe it to my loyal subjects of these fair isles and cays...and the continent of Andros, to give them more, to erect myself as a standard for them to live their lives by?” (yes I am copying and pasting from a former post, deal with it). But let me not ramble, here are the things I hope to do in the upcoming year 2011.

• • Stop pretending to be Movado to pick up girls at Google Sundays.

• • I hope to use my laser vision only for good and the occasional recreational death stare, reserved for Senator Machala Smith for spurning my advances.

• • Stop being an overt racist. The Blacks don’t like it.

• • Give the workers in my asbestos and silica mine in Cat Island health insurance, a lot of them are getting sick and I feel as though I could put more back into the community.

• • Have a doctor look at that suspicious mole on my thigh

• • I resolve to double my vampire/zombie kill percentage and not allow the dark monster of regret for the death of innocent mortals to overtake me and hinder my job as local meta-human.

• • Clarify that by “the Blacks” I meant the rugby team “the New Zealand Blacks”, a team made completely of filthy Spanish Polynesians…darn it, that sounds offensive, um I meant…Nigerians? (Hey if District 9 can get away with it, don’t you give me that look!)  

• • Remove the “I love Peggy-Sue” tattoo on the small of my back and replace it with “I appreciate the friendship, maybe I should take it slower seeing as I’ve only known you for the past 3 weeks” tattoo.

• • I will attempt to make green the official colour of the Bahamas, it is complicated, but you must trust me. Green is a better metaphor for the Bahamas than existing colours. I am also proposing a new flag for the country. The black triangle representing the forward progression of the people will be replaced by a dark jade, and the gold strip will become a heavy viridescent and the aquamarine fields will be changed to emerald. I feel that this combination will better represent the diversity of the country.

• • Find an attractive female doctor to look at that suspicious mole on my thigh

• • Make freckles mandatory for all girls between the age of 18-23

• • Finally wrap up my fan fiction series, the Nassau Guardian and the Tribune. Recently its become quite depressing and i don't feel as though my heart is in it any more and besides, who reads newspapers besides stuffy politicians and the old men in Oakes Field McDonald's between the hours of 8am and 12noon.

• • Unexplode Machala and her sexy self.