Assuming that the future does indeed exist then this must be a true story. Found here is a page from the a primary school history text book written in the year 2050 about an apparent imminent threat that we are unaware of.
No one knows exactly when Nassau’s zombie problem began, mostly because no one really noticed when zombies arrived. Most historical records pin the first official zombie sighting at around 11:45pm July 9th 1973, but many people assumed that was simply the last of the British officials. In fact most persons did not become aware of the existence of zombies until December 2009. It is not surprising that the undead menace went unnoticed for so long. There is a certain degree of difficulty in identifying a sluggardly zombie getting your order wrong at Burger King and forgetting to give you a packet of ketchup and a sluggardly Bahamian getting your order wrong at Burger King and forgetting to give you a packet of ketchup.
According to the 2010 census, between 2001-2009 zombies made up 36% of the Bahamian work force, not surprising as it is a well known fact that zombies are notoriously good at preparing cover letters and resumes. So accepted were zombies as a part of the working masses that in the 2002 and 2007 General Elections, some 10 elected officials to the House of Parliament were in fact zombies. Of course looking back at the speeches given during the rallies most should have picked up on their undead presence. Aside from the rotting teeth and stench of decaying flesh, which for anyone that spent a week in New Providence knows is not that strange, it was the frothing at mouth while not saying anything in particular, but still grunting and moaning to contemporary Bahamian music that should have cued Bahamians in.
So how then did the ‘issue’ of the zombies come to light? It began with a sensationalized news story published by a COB student that would be picked up by local media houses.
“The F-Block on Tuesday was the scene of another grizzly mauling as zombies attacked their third victim in as many months. The victim, 3rd year English Major, Bradley Worrell, attempted to defend himself from his attackers by first engaging them in interpersonal discourse, but it was ineffective as the flesh eaters could not….”
Interestingly enough had any dailies or television stations had bothered to read the by-line they would have notice that it was in fact Bradley Worrell, 3rd year English Major, who wrote the story. If you are old enough to remember 2009, you will recall that it was not uncommon to find a mangled human torso with parts of their brains missing but until that story came out many people thought that it had something to do with Tourism and so no one said anything.
List of Known Zombie Sympathizers
- Terneille Burrows
- Farreno Ferguson*
- Vega Truth Bethel
- Cassius Stuart
- Tracey-Ann Perpall*
- Everyone in Track Road Theatre
- Stephen Hanna
- Rashad McPhee
- Travon Patton*
- The Guys that did Stop Likin Man
- Sammy Starr
- Deon**
- Bodine Johnson
- Henry Jenkins
*Potential Zombies
**All persons named Deon
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