im really sorry about what ever stupid things i've said or committed to paper

My mouth works better when it's closed.

At least that's what the "Customer Survey" and "Performance Reviews" from the 3 people I've kissed said.

...wait we aren't counting non human face touching or incidental straw sharing as romantic gestures? (I don't wanna live in this world any more.)

Alright it's what the 1 person that I've made out with said.

By the way if you're reading this on a computer it should be read to Kanye West's "I Wonder" which is the song that I was completely ready to go all Say Anything and stand outside your house with my laptop and this song blaring but...its after 12am on Sunday night and i think that your Aunt would probably call the police, so i will totally just light her rose bushes on fire, as it is the international symbol of romantic gestures.

...wow i forgot this Kanye song has cursing in it, you may want to turn it down a bit.

I miss you stalking me and threatening to hit me with things and...(all of that sounds really weird out of context, its not that we don't have a good relationship its just sounds weird on paper and i'm not helping)

...the 20 minutes that you stopped talking to me on Sunday night because you were upset with me were perhaps some of the longest moments ever.

Like for real, i know it was only 20 minutes but i got through the first Lord Of The Rings movie...and that's not to say that i was busy having fun when we stopped talking...

...i didn't have fun until the paintball fight after dinner (there was time for a paintball fight it was that long). But even as i sat there surrounded by mounds and mounds of Chocolate crusted cheese cake cupcakes served by topless Kerry Washington* and Megan Good I was thinking "Jenni would so punch me right now if she knew what I was doing...having seconds of this dessert without her"

hmmmm...i guess you are violent,

...wait i'm writing an apology. I'm  sorry and please make this 20 minutes end, and although i'm prolly going to say something really stupid again first thing tomorrow morning I'm begging your forgiveness in advance and I offer you this quote from the singer of our Generation, Adele (...well more your generation) to let you know how i truly feel.

"if ever you doubt i love you, remember i would kill an innocent animal like a sheep or a goat and sprinkle your doorway with blood to let you know my heart doesn't work with out you"

-Set Fire To The Rain (5th Stanza)

:( i'm sorry

*See i was listening.

Notes on talking to your girlfriend...or at least how i talk to your girlfriend #Shrugs

Don't tell the pretty girl that's she's pretty. 

She knows it. 

There is nothing that she can do about it. you think that she wants to be this pretty?! Stop reminding her! If it was something that she could change like her shoes and dress and hair then sure feel free to compliment her, those things speak to her character, she is willing to add or take away  (or in the case of hair... sew) in order to improve herself. She sees a deficiency (how in the world she finds those things...but yea)  

When you tell her that she is perfect and that you wouldn't change a thing about her its almost racist. You've latched on to the one thing that she can't change, that she has no control over. Do you constantly remind the pale Celtic that they the sun has a vendetta to kill them? Do you remind your sister that she sucks at driving? What about people from Long Island...do you tell them that their voice get really shrieky when they're upset ? No, you don't! Because they'll get upset and then shrieky and then your ears will bleed. 

So why would you tell her, over and over again that you think she is the most beautiful woman in the whole world? That your perspective of beauty changes depending on her and that you're beginning to worry that it has nothing to do with physical appearances cus you liked her in that yellow tube top and that time that she was so sick that she wouldn't come from under her blanket till like 4pm. You didn't even see her that time...just her fuzzy blanket!! YOU SPENT THE DAY FANTASIZING ABOUT A BLANKET!!! 

Only the Lord could help us if she suddenly lost an arm because you'd start to think that only amputees are attractive which would completely throw off the modelling opportunities for 2 armed girls. In short...
 
don't tell her she's pretty, 

she knows, 

she can't help it.

Just ask her about her day...she'll appreciate that more.